Another parent to make us crazy working folk look like stay-at-home moms having a corner bake sale on Saturday morning.

Admit it- you’ve said things to your kid that you’re not proud of perhaps things that haunted you for weeks. But, would you leave it on a voice mail? Come on. This divorce and its residual tremors in the public eye make a broken lamp thrown on the floor or an angry, random f*bomb dropped in traffic on the 405 look like a play date.

Once I told my child after reading several Madeleine books, that I would sell her to the gypsies in those books if she talked back to me again. Although no one was around to record my statement, she would play it back for me every time she sensed a misstep.

(clothes on floor)

Me: Claire, pick up those clothes right now or else the dog will eat your underwear again.

C: (panicked) Mom, I’ll do it right now just don’t sell my to the gypsies!

God, it took forever for me to live that one down. Imagine how long it will take for Alec. The thing is, there are always two sides to every story but it doesn’t really matter. By leaving that heart-breaking voice mail, he’s forfeited his side.

Photo Credit: Alec does his share of time for good causes and this one is cool– LivnOutLoud makes T’s with positive messages.

Throw Out the List!
Watching my friends list characteristics of what they want in a mate makes me laugh because I did the same thing. According to scientists in “Blink” by Malcolm Gladwell researching speed dating, men and women who approach the evening with a list end up completely discounting it at the end of the evening if they feel a real connection with someone.

Because of my Catholic upbringing and my parents’ tight marriage, I wrote on my list that I wanted to marry a Christian man. I married a Jewish man instead (what a great kisser and BIG BONUS- no guilt attached to sex!) There are professors married to high school drop-outs, rock stars married to librarians and so many marriages between different cultures that I’m sure as some point the global population will be the color of a Chai latte.

Here’s the Secret
Guys, stop dating women because you’re friends will think they’re hot. Girls, who cares if your guy drives a Honda. If your mates score high on the DACS SCALE then get ready for an honest-to-God happy relationship.

• Dependibility. When you cut your hand slicing a bagel will your mate drop what he or she is doing and get you the emergency room or do you have to call your Mom?
• Affability. Can you take said partner to a work-related event and trust him or her not to brood in the corner?
• Compatibility. The real test of love is taking out the trash, doing the dishes and sharing childcare duties. If you’re doing everything now, you’re going to be doing MORE once you’re married. Compatible libidos are critical, too!
• Stability. Consistent employment, friends who speak well on your partner’s behalf and a loving familial structure in childhood help ensure that said loved one is not going to bail on you during the rough patches.

Next time you’re choosing between a handsome dependable guy or girl and the hottie from the office down the hall, rate your date after a month or so using this scale and it could save you a lot of time. I’m not saying you can’t have both– I’ve got a hottie hubbie who scores high on DACS.

Get one and get happy.

Although the “hand written” notes from fans at the newly redesigned Britney Spears site make me want to yank out her belly button ring with pliers, she’s one of my favorite parents.

Anyone who drives with her baby on her lap like he’s a chihuahua, shaves her head with tears streaming down her face and then walks into a tattoo parlor and enters rehab days later, makes me feel like Parent of the Year.

Parent Poster Child

Light a candle and hope that rehab rubs the wrong way.

Lisa Nowak, arrested on Feb. 5 disappeared from the headlines fast and she has Anna Nicole to thank! If Anna Nicole hadn’t mysteriously slipped into the pink celebrity netherworld stalked by ET, Nowak would have been the tabloid pin cushion.

Nowak’s backstory is sweet. She’s a gourmet cook and does crossword puzzles. She married her college sweetheart- she has a son and twin girls. TWINS! She worked full time and represented the U.S. elite as an astronaut.

Then, a bit of the bad girl started to surface in the last couple years. What a relief. Perfection is SO annoying. While I certainly do not condone attempted murder, you gotta admit this woman is driven. When she makes up her mind to do something- DAMN. I know that carrying a knife, rope and Mace while wearing Depends is not rational, but I say we all give this woman a break.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 14 or 40 when you fall for someone and they don’t choose you, it hurts.

>>Interesting Take on Nowak and Reverse Discrimination in the Media

Thank God for sick kids child care. My first meeting with a big client was on Friday and Claire relapsed once again. I really needed to be at the office and Claire wasn’t that bad off– fever of 100.4 — and, she likes the facility in the hospital because she gets to watch TV and play with toys.

In the past when I’ve dropped her off with the nurses, I never made it past the door without crying.

What am I doing? My kid needs me and I drop her off with a fever and go to a client meeting?!

In the car with tissue mopping up mascara, I coach myself on remembering the big picture.

It’s unlikely she’ll remember this one day. I’ll just pepper the remainder of the year with a couple Disney trips and the Princesses will erase everything else from her memory with a wave of their wands. Or, I could always pump up the Claritin and try hypnoses.

I’m leaving her in a secure facility with nurses as her babysitters.  If there’s a problem then she’s in a hospital for God’s sake!  And, her super Dad ended up driving down and picking her up after only three hours, taking her to the doctor and then taking her to his home for the weekend. God Bless my former hubbie and co-parent.

Ask Your School or Daycare who Offers Sick Kids Childcare

Many schools and pre-schools have a list of facilities that accept kids with a fever or sore throat. These places are like gold.  You might need to pre-register and then reserve a spot.  Add big points to your mom-card if you send or Email a thank you note with an update on your kiddo.

Getting child in and out of bath can take 60 to 90 minutes.

To cut down this time I suggest one of the following:

1. Bath: Let the kiddo know that a short bath means longer reading or dessert time. Aim for 30 mins.
2. Shower: convert child to shower and combine your shower with your child’s. My new friend Denah reminded me about this one last night. She showers in the morning with her daughter.

Any other ideas short of steam cleaning the little buggers, speak up!

I send a silent thanks to friend Judy for this one almost every day. To get out the door on time for school in the morning Judy’s husband Mike races their daughter to see who wins by getting to the front door. Each person has to be dressed with teeth brused and of course, Mike lets her win every day.

Like lab rats, I suspect that kids will do this every day. Mine is almost six and she hasn’t caught on to this yet. Crazy. Who’s the real winner, my fellow WPs?

Savor it. Take the morning back from the little people.

I have stronger footing parenting my own child but often feel shaky with my 20-year-old stepson. I love him, I adore him and I’ve learned so much from living with him and seeing him move out on his own– albeit, often times not voluntarily.

I think his relationship with his Dad, my hubbie Mark is actually a bit better because they do not live together anymore. That said there is a lot of anger and resentment that goes way back and it seems like although the details are different, they argue about the same thing over and over again. Each doesn’t feel appreciated. They are both stubborn. When I listen to both cases, they each sound right to me and my loyalties get all tangled. I feel if I try to help hubbie Mark understand B’s point of view and describe some points he makes that I’m revealing some things that I shouldn’t and vice versa.

I try to stay positive as much as possible.

I talked it over with my mother-in-law and she and I both realize that our guys are never going to have a Hallmark card relationship. But, if they can show up at family events and be on their best behavior. Polite, kind– no malicious comments allowed– then we can at least have our blended family together without a food fight.

During my marriage, I honestly remember saying on several occasions that I saw divorced people as walking failures, that they just didn�t try hard enough. Oh baby, the hypocritical t-shirt was really tight on me for a long time.

My Parents Made it Work, So Should I
My military parents had been through hard times and they made their marriage work so I always thought that was somehow in the genes. We all saw “Top Gun.” When things get tough, you don�t leave your wing man. My parents married before my father completed a tour in Vietnam. Later on, he was stationed in Korea for a year and Mom was home with three kids with no babysitter and no family to help her. They made it though brain surgeries, financial strain, and breast cancer. I see them both as my heroes. They’ve been married now for over 40 years.

The Decision
I was married for close to 7 years when I filed for divorce. My daughter was just over two. The marriage counseling had come and gone several times and the same issues still played out daily, weekly. I was fickle on filing– one day I wanted to do it, the next I wanted everything to work out. It took a long time. My hair fell out in chunks!

Now, I’m so grateful for this time because I learned how I wanted to be treated in a relationship and I chose a path that enabled me to model a loving marriage for my daughter.

Still, There was Fallout
I said a lot of stupid stuff to friends who told me they were getting a divorce. “What will you do with the ring?” Doh. Now it was my turn. People just didn’t know what to say– it was awkward. They didn’t want to be around me. I felt they didn’t want to catch divorce fever and have it come into their home. This was hard because divorcing peeps really do not need to be alone for long periods of time.

How to be a Good Friend to Someone Who’s Divorcing

• Listen to the same story at least three times.
• Do not call your friend’s spouse names ’cause who knows, they could reconcile.
• Leave voice mails, send IMs, emails and flowers/plants. One of the hardest things to get used to is the silence, the empty space that’s suddenly there after a separation.
• Invite them over for dinner and to weekend events out of their home.
• Please be kind to seems-so-sudden boyfriends or girlfriends.
• Remind friend that this painful period of time is temporary- it will get better.

I believe in divorce. The irony is that I believe in marriage more now because I went through it.

Unlike the Friday night Happy Hour, everyone likes working parents to attend the Holiday Party. We might not show as much leg or cleavage or sing “Santa Baby” while sitting in the boss’ lap, but we’ll drive you home if you ask our spouses questions and don’t puke in the back of the BMW.