The Courageous, the Proud, the Divorced?
During my marriage, I honestly remember saying on several occasions that I saw divorced people as walking failures, that they just didn�t try hard enough. Oh baby, the hypocritical t-shirt was really tight on me for a long time.
My Parents Made it Work, So Should I
My military parents had been through hard times and they made their marriage work so I always thought that was somehow in the genes. We all saw “Top Gun.” When things get tough, you don�t leave your wing man. My parents married before my father completed a tour in Vietnam. Later on, he was stationed in Korea for a year and Mom was home with three kids with no babysitter and no family to help her. They made it though brain surgeries, financial strain, and breast cancer. I see them both as my heroes. They’ve been married now for over 40 years.
The Decision
I was married for close to 7 years when I filed for divorce. My daughter was just over two. The marriage counseling had come and gone several times and the same issues still played out daily, weekly. I was fickle on filing– one day I wanted to do it, the next I wanted everything to work out. It took a long time. My hair fell out in chunks!
Now, I’m so grateful for this time because I learned how I wanted to be treated in a relationship and I chose a path that enabled me to model a loving marriage for my daughter.
Still, There was Fallout
I said a lot of stupid stuff to friends who told me they were getting a divorce. “What will you do with the ring?” Doh. Now it was my turn. People just didn’t know what to say– it was awkward. They didn’t want to be around me. I felt they didn’t want to catch divorce fever and have it come into their home. This was hard because divorcing peeps really do not need to be alone for long periods of time.
How to be a Good Friend to Someone Who’s Divorcing
I believe in divorce. The irony is that I believe in marriage more now because I went through it.
